I tell them things because I trust them. I'd trust them with you, too. But what don't you want them to know? As your uncle, I have several offshore accounts to hold your secrets. One for the promiscuous ones, one for everything else.
You think Galahad will let me do that? He'd start throwing those wooden apples at my head.
they're american. i'm just not comfortable dating publicly in america.
( not that what he's doing is dating, exactly. still — he doesn't say the quiet part out loud. it's pretty bad press to be seen romantically (or sexually, as it is) with the most notorious case of inbreeding in the history of american politics. it's bad enough for lyr. he's not keen to drag ryan through the mud, too. )
[ it isn't lost on him how fucked it is that his nephew has to go through the same thing he and ash did. the hiding. the secrets. the pain of not being able to love openly. and just like before — it's his fault. he's the one that pushed ash into morgan's lap.
imagining a life without lyr though — that's impossible. ]
I get it. I don't like it, but I get it. You know, I think the worst thing about politics is the fact that I went into it with all these big dreams of how the world should work, but then when it matters the most, you can't protect the ones you love. I imagine you and your someone sit on grassy hills reading Nietzsche and casting judgment upon the peasants. With fish and chips.
i don't need protecting, uncle embry. i just don't like being a headline.
( the headlines are usually a lot more tactful than the reddit threads, actually. but he doesn't want anyone to know he still reads those. )
thank you for imagining me reading something interesting, instead of something terrible. you have failed to consider the grass stains on my expensive pants, though.
( and the understanding that lyr can't have anyone in the light — he might crave romance, but it's not his to take. he can be comfortable with that. lots of people are lonely and happy. )
( embry would, he thinks. he's never been shy about his tabloid life — when you're handsome like embry is handsome, and charming like embry is charming, the world loves you the more seedy you are. )
and if i explained it, i don't believe he'd be happy. i think he would be upset. you know, how much you all love each other can be quite intimidating. although, it is nice to be around. comforting, is a good word for it, i guess. nimue and merlin are like that, too.
( the unsaid word: lyr, black sheep, doesn't believe that kind of love is accessible to him. this is the thing ash won't want to hear. )
It's the disdainful expression that people will continue to write extensively about. You've gotta get a poker face. Otherwise every photo of you will be accompanied by some completely made-up bullshit about what you're currently upset about.
You think Ash would be upset that you met someone? Why? I've never met a guy more obsessed with love than he is. He's also pretty invested in your happiness.
Please don't bring up Nimue's horrible taste in men. I don't want to risk throwing up on these important briefs I'm supposed to be reading.
they think i'm upset regardless of what my face is doing. it's been that way since i was a toddler. you remember? i was a meme. grumpy rich baby. it did numbers.
it's not love. we're not dating. he's not interested in me like that, and i'm not good at trusting people don't want to just check me for birth defects because of my parentage. i'm not ever going to bring anyone home for ash or greer or morgan or nimue or vivienne or you to meet. who would ever want to meet that many parents, who could still be considered "normal"? and i think that would make ash very upset. that i can't have it, because of who i am. i'd like to avoid upsetting him, because he's a nice guy. it's not his fault i was born.
also, merlin is nice. people with accents are always nice.
Well, it was funny when you were a baby. But now you can read, and that takes the joy out of it.
Jesus, Lyr.
[ that grumpy little baby that he used to play airplane with around the house, that he used to chase around the lake, that he read bedtime stories to... he'd do anything to get his innocence back. to keep him ignorant of his parentage, lies be damned. ]
Sometimes I feel like that's what being a Moore is. Not being happy. You get the lake, the horses, the sports cars, but you don't get to be happy. But that's not true. I believed it was for most of my life, and maybe we are cursed, but who cares? The fact that you're here and I get to be your uncle is the only thing that matters to me. And as long as you're here, happiness will find you. You might not believe it, and I hope to God it doesn't take as long as it did for me, but it'll be there. And no amount of your grumpy baby face will make that not true.
Merlin, nice? That's your opinion, and unfortunately you're allowed to have one.
( lyr does, at times, think he resents things mostly for how it shifted everything in his life. aunt vivienne, now grandmother. cousin morgan, now mother. friend of the family ash, now father. nothing went untouched by the revelation, unveiled in a newspaper, the inbred son of maxen colchester. ultimately, it's just a little different. embry thinks they're cursed and lyr knows they are — or he is, at least, because he'll never stop being what he is, which the byproduct of messed up birthday control from his mother and father, his parents who are siblings. embry can make it work in a triad, but lyr can't take the blood out of his veins.
anyway. he says what he hopes will make embry feel better, without having to lie to him. )
i'm happy without all that stuff. i know you think i'm grumpy, but i do love my family. i just don't want to disappoint ash. having an american hero for a biological father is pretty humbling.
[ that gives him pause. makes his blood run hot all over again when he thinks of how morgan fucking lied to him, a lie by omission even if they've never been the kind of siblings that call each other up for a talk or plan a visit just because. guilt rises, an immediate response to his bitterness. he left her to die. she hid beneath corpses with lyr already growing inside of her. ]
You could be a third head growing out of my ass and nothing I feel about you would change. You're my favorite person in our family. But I get it. It's not anything like what you're going through, but I really can't unsee Ash and Morgan, either. And yes, that does make things as weird as it sounds.
All right, look. I understand that more than I care to explain right now. Ash isn't easy. He just is. But as someone who's an expert in disappointing him, you're not even capable of it. Sorry to disappoint you, but you'll never be me. He'd never want you to feel the pressure you're putting on yourself right now. Especially not on account of his accolades, most of which he's not even proud of.
Not that I don't trust you to take care of yourself, but you're going to have to tell me who this mystery person is that you're flying across the world to see. I could send an agent with you. That's impressive, right?
i'd tell you you're my favorite person in our family too, but you're cocky enough.
i know. but that's kind of a part of it. he's a good enough guy that he wouldn't want me to feel like i need to impress him. i know he just wants me happy. i don't remember how we got started talking about this. they're both fine. i just don't want to have to tell greer and ash i'm seeing this guy and that it's not serious and will never be serious. that sounds like a nightmare.
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if i want you to ask, it's only so i can tell you i'm not going to tell you.
i don't want maxen or greer to know either. you tell them everything.
then i'll bring gifts, and you can throw them away. like a monster.
no subject
But what don't you want them to know? As your uncle, I have several offshore accounts to hold your secrets. One for the promiscuous ones, one for everything else.
You think Galahad will let me do that? He'd start throwing those wooden apples at my head.
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( awkwardly tense, making nervous ticks that are all maxen colchester in nature. )
i just met someone. that's all.
sounds like your only option to expand new camelot, then. to make room for more toys.
no subject
You have to cross the ocean just to fuck someone?
Who is it? The queen?
no subject
( not that what he's doing is dating, exactly. still — he doesn't say the quiet part out loud. it's pretty bad press to be seen romantically (or sexually, as it is) with the most notorious case of inbreeding in the history of american politics. it's bad enough for lyr. he's not keen to drag ryan through the mud, too. )
no subject
imagining a life without lyr though — that's impossible. ]
I get it. I don't like it, but I get it.
You know, I think the worst thing about politics is the fact that I went into it with all these big dreams of how the world should work, but then when it matters the most, you can't protect the ones you love.
I imagine you and your someone sit on grassy hills reading Nietzsche and casting judgment upon the peasants. With fish and chips.
no subject
( the headlines are usually a lot more tactful than the reddit threads, actually. but he doesn't want anyone to know he still reads those. )
thank you for imagining me reading something interesting, instead of something terrible.
you have failed to consider the grass stains on my expensive pants, though.
( and the understanding that lyr can't have anyone in the light — he might crave romance, but it's not his to take. he can be comfortable with that. lots of people are lonely and happy. )
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Why don't you want Ash or Greer to know that you're seeing someone?
I think they'd be really happy for you.
[ the effort it takes not to say ash wants to be a part of your life. he loves you so fucking much. please let him in. ]
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i don't really think they'd get it.
( embry would, he thinks. he's never been shy about his tabloid life — when you're handsome like embry is handsome, and charming like embry is charming, the world loves you the more seedy you are. )
and if i explained it, i don't believe he'd be happy. i think he would be upset.
you know, how much you all love each other can be quite intimidating. although, it is nice to be around. comforting, is a good word for it, i guess.
nimue and merlin are like that, too.
( the unsaid word: lyr, black sheep, doesn't believe that kind of love is accessible to him. this is the thing ash won't want to hear. )
no subject
Otherwise every photo of you will be accompanied by some completely made-up bullshit about what you're currently upset about.
You think Ash would be upset that you met someone?
Why? I've never met a guy more obsessed with love than he is.
He's also pretty invested in your happiness.
Please don't bring up Nimue's horrible taste in men. I don't want to risk throwing up on these important briefs I'm supposed to be reading.
no subject
you remember? i was a meme. grumpy rich baby. it did numbers.
it's not love. we're not dating. he's not interested in me like that, and i'm not good at trusting people don't want to just check me for birth defects because of my parentage. i'm not ever going to bring anyone home for ash or greer or morgan or nimue or vivienne or you to meet. who would ever want to meet that many parents, who could still be considered "normal"?
and i think that would make ash very upset. that i can't have it, because of who i am. i'd like to avoid upsetting him, because he's a nice guy. it's not his fault i was born.
also, merlin is nice. people with accents are always nice.
no subject
Jesus, Lyr.
[ that grumpy little baby that he used to play airplane with around the house, that he used to chase around the lake, that he read bedtime stories to... he'd do anything to get his innocence back. to keep him ignorant of his parentage, lies be damned. ]
Sometimes I feel like that's what being a Moore is. Not being happy. You get the lake, the horses, the sports cars, but you don't get to be happy.
But that's not true. I believed it was for most of my life, and maybe we are cursed, but who cares? The fact that you're here and I get to be your uncle is the only thing that matters to me. And as long as you're here, happiness will find you. You might not believe it, and I hope to God it doesn't take as long as it did for me, but it'll be there. And no amount of your grumpy baby face will make that not true.
Merlin, nice? That's your opinion, and unfortunately you're allowed to have one.
no subject
( lyr does, at times, think he resents things mostly for how it shifted everything in his life. aunt vivienne, now grandmother. cousin morgan, now mother. friend of the family ash, now father. nothing went untouched by the revelation, unveiled in a newspaper, the inbred son of maxen colchester. ultimately, it's just a little different. embry thinks they're cursed and lyr knows they are — or he is, at least, because he'll never stop being what he is, which the byproduct of messed up birthday control from his mother and father, his parents who are siblings. embry can make it work in a triad, but lyr can't take the blood out of his veins.
anyway. he says what he hopes will make embry feel better, without having to lie to him. )
i'm happy without all that stuff. i know you think i'm grumpy, but i do love my family.
i just don't want to disappoint ash. having an american hero for a biological father is pretty humbling.
no subject
You could be a third head growing out of my ass and nothing I feel about you would change. You're my favorite person in our family.
But I get it. It's not anything like what you're going through, but I really can't unsee Ash and Morgan, either. And yes, that does make things as weird as it sounds.
All right, look. I understand that more than I care to explain right now.
Ash isn't easy. He just is. But as someone who's an expert in disappointing him, you're not even capable of it. Sorry to disappoint you, but you'll never be me.
He'd never want you to feel the pressure you're putting on yourself right now. Especially not on account of his accolades, most of which he's not even proud of.
Not that I don't trust you to take care of yourself, but you're going to have to tell me who this mystery person is that you're flying across the world to see.
I could send an agent with you. That's impressive, right?
1/2
i know. but that's kind of a part of it.
he's a good enough guy that he wouldn't want me to feel like i need to impress him. i know he just wants me happy. i don't remember how we got started talking about this.
they're both fine. i just don't want to have to tell greer and ash i'm seeing this guy and that it's not serious and will never be serious. that sounds like a nightmare.
no subject
haha. that's funny.
absolutely not.