[ he doesn’t have to give hawk a meeting point, because embry is already on his floor, not far from the suite he’s been a stranger to ever since his storm of bad decisions spiraled into unspeakable shame. the door opens after a brief knock, as if hawk knows it can only be him, and then he’s inside, the smoke and leather scent familiar even if embry feels like he’s been stripped raw and turned inside out since the last time he stood before him like this. ]
I needed to see you. [ a quiet confession that belies a certain inevitability between them. if hawk hadn’t reached out, embry would’ve found his way here regardless. ash is back. ash is alive. but the fact that he was ever gone in the first place has left him hollowed out, numb. ] I’m sorry.
[ impossible to atone for the ocean of sins between them — but it’s a sea he’s still willing to cross, his arms winding around hawk, eyes slipping tightly shut as he pulls him close, face buried in the crook of his shoulder. ]
[embry doesn't reply, and maybe there's some part of him that wants to believe the house is still enchanted at every turn - because he can practically feel the pull between them shortening. like he knows embry isn't far at all, getting closer and closer and making the knot in his stomach pull taut in both anticipation and a lance of fear. the last time he saw embry was devastating for them both, a wound that barely had time to be glossed over in favor of the chaos the house had thrown them into.
(and he hasn't forgotten - the mysterious appearance of fucking lenny, playing tricks on him. there one minute, gone the next.)
but his hand is on the knob as embry knocks, pulling it open immediately in a way that ought to embarrass him. it's a very near thing he doesn't drag embry in right away, instead polite enough to step back and hear him out.]
I'm glad you came. Really.
[and then - his body does the rest, meeting him the moment embry melts against him and opening his arms to clutch at him with that same desperation. one hand reaches up, threading into his neck as a rough exhale washes hot against the juncture of neck and shoulder too. the smell of his cologne and sweat almost makes him shudder with want, fingers digging in even tighter and more reverently.]
Fuck. I'm sorry too.
[it's mumbles against his skin in a low rumble of want, hawk swaying lightly on his feet without really meaning to drag embry into it.]
Can we just - stay like this. For a minute. Missed you. Too goddamn much.
[ it’s the same as it always is — the guilt of being with hawk eclipsed by his gaping, selfish need, by his primordial understanding of hawk as a blackened, deceptive individual that has more in common with embry’s belief of himself than he could ever have in common with ash. he stays tightly in his embrace, breathing him in, knowing that despite his paltry apology, there’s a part of him that won’t ever forgive himself for the scars between them.
it’s fitting, maybe. there’s a boulder between ash and hawk, and embry keeps throwing himself against it anyway. maybe it’s what he deserves. ]
You think it’s over? [ he mumbles it against hawk’s shoulder, misery threaded through his words, a bone-deep exhaustion creeping over him as his thoughts reach the point where they can’t twist any further. ] You. Alicent. Ash. There isn’t anyone…
[ greer. this place can still take her, and for a moment his fingers dig claw-like into hawk’s shoulder blade, a hard breath muffled into the fabric of his shirt. he doesn’t cry, because he can’t. at some point, his near ceaseless tears got stuck somewhere in his throat, trapped behind his eyes. now, the pressure just builds, cresting high and then easing back, dragging him back and forth through the wreckage of his own despair. ]
I can’t lose anyone else. [ his mouth turns, lips gliding along the edge of hawk’s jaw, instinctual, primally seeking. his mind pulls taut, the thrum of panic like beating wings against his skull. ] I can’t. I can’t.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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are you okay?
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Some guy said it was like Cyclops. I don't know what the fuck that meant - still had both my eyes, but there was this light coming out of 'em.
I'd be better if I could see you.
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he's a superhero mutant that shoots light out of his eyes and wears tight pants.
are you in your room?
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Well thank Christ I didn’t get the second part.
Yeah. Tell me where you are and I’ll come.
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I needed to see you. [ a quiet confession that belies a certain inevitability between them. if hawk hadn’t reached out, embry would’ve found his way here regardless. ash is back. ash is alive. but the fact that he was ever gone in the first place has left him hollowed out, numb. ] I’m sorry.
[ impossible to atone for the ocean of sins between them — but it’s a sea he’s still willing to cross, his arms winding around hawk, eyes slipping tightly shut as he pulls him close, face buried in the crook of his shoulder. ]
no subject
(and he hasn't forgotten - the mysterious appearance of fucking lenny, playing tricks on him. there one minute, gone the next.)
but his hand is on the knob as embry knocks, pulling it open immediately in a way that ought to embarrass him. it's a very near thing he doesn't drag embry in right away, instead polite enough to step back and hear him out.]
I'm glad you came. Really.
[and then - his body does the rest, meeting him the moment embry melts against him and opening his arms to clutch at him with that same desperation. one hand reaches up, threading into his neck as a rough exhale washes hot against the juncture of neck and shoulder too. the smell of his cologne and sweat almost makes him shudder with want, fingers digging in even tighter and more reverently.]
Fuck. I'm sorry too.
[it's mumbles against his skin in a low rumble of want, hawk swaying lightly on his feet without really meaning to drag embry into it.]
Can we just - stay like this. For a minute. Missed you. Too goddamn much.
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it’s fitting, maybe. there’s a boulder between ash and hawk, and embry keeps throwing himself against it anyway. maybe it’s what he deserves. ]
You think it’s over? [ he mumbles it against hawk’s shoulder, misery threaded through his words, a bone-deep exhaustion creeping over him as his thoughts reach the point where they can’t twist any further. ] You. Alicent. Ash. There isn’t anyone…
[ greer. this place can still take her, and for a moment his fingers dig claw-like into hawk’s shoulder blade, a hard breath muffled into the fabric of his shirt. he doesn’t cry, because he can’t. at some point, his near ceaseless tears got stuck somewhere in his throat, trapped behind his eyes. now, the pressure just builds, cresting high and then easing back, dragging him back and forth through the wreckage of his own despair. ]
I can’t lose anyone else. [ his mouth turns, lips gliding along the edge of hawk’s jaw, instinctual, primally seeking. his mind pulls taut, the thrum of panic like beating wings against his skull. ] I can’t. I can’t.